A penny for your thoughts. If even that much!!

I was thinking the other day. . .

 Yes, it's true. I do think once in awhile! The problem is remembering my great thoughts and wisdom! I knew at the time that I needed to go write it down right then, but was putting my make up on and in a hurry, because I was getting ready to go somewhere. Can't even remember where I was off to. 

Oh, wo is me! So much wisdom, and nowhere to send it to!!

I know it had to do with dying. And living. and something so deep and profound I couldn't believe I was actually thinking it!!!

Boy it must've been good! 

It'll come to me. As soon as I sign off here and am not actually trying to think of it. It has to come in it's own due time. NOT on my time or desire for it!! 

The mind is like a child. It's its own person. Has its own mind. . . .  

OK, that may have been the most brilliant thought I've had in the last few minutes, or the most redundant!!!   The mind has it's own mind!

Now, there's a thought!!

2009 ! Bring it on!

OK, so the last couple of months of 2008 have been the hardest, saddest, most stressful, spiritual, growing, interesting months ever!!!

So, needless to say, I am very much looking forward to 2009! I would never have thought at the beginning of last year that I would have lived through:

January- can't think of anything big-- starting to get Tanner ready for a mission is all I can think of.
February - my Dad has a mini stroke. In the hospital for a week or so.
March- Again, nothing really big. Again, the focus is on Tanner- preparing to enter the MTC
April - Tanner begins his mission to Russia, Rostov-na-Danu on April 9th. (If you have ever been a missionary mom, you know that this is a little stressful. Preparing, and then saying good bye to your "baby"! But a good hard thing!
May - the beginnings of our addition and remodel on our house (filing plans, contracts, etc)
June - the REAL beginning of our addition and remodel.
Tanner leaves for Russia.
July - Aaron marries the love of his life, Allie Askins! (Most of you know that a wedding, albeit very positive and great, is on the stressful side too!1 But, alas, I am the mother of the groom, so not as much!!! But with my house torn apart and living out of my bedroom, and no kitchen, still, the stress I feel could be matched if not toppling Allie's mom's. She may beg to differ!!!)
My father has another mini stroke and is in the hospital for a couple weeks at least.
Oh, and we find out that our Ashley and Mark are expecting a baby! Yippeeeeee! Grandparenthood!! I can hardly wait!

Taylor breaks foot at football camp. Has to have surgery.
August- school starts!! yes!! Taylor's foot heals nicely, and he misses only one or two of the regular season games! We love football season or any sports season, when our kids are involved!
We are still without a kitchen at this point. We are frustrated, to say the least, and my stress, anxiety level has been raised to a new level and I am thinking I need to up the meds!!!
September - things seem to be getting better. I think this is when we get our kitchen finished. So things are looking up. It's still hotter than haites here, but things are plugging right along.
October - this is when the fun begins. Taylor hurts his knee in football. But it isn't too seriously, thankfully. My birthday comes with a lot of fun at the lake and all. (And I haven't hit any BIG landmark b-days yet. JUst getting much closer!).
On my birthday, Ashley finds out she is leaking amniotic fluid and the real "fun" begins! She is in and out of the hospital a couple of times and on bedrest the rest of the time.
November - Ashley's situation continues. Affects us all. But hey, my kitchen is in full use and the house is doing great. Oh, I forgot that even though the actual adding on was completed in August, we still had tile, painting and carpet to be installed throughout all these above mentioned months and it seemed like we would never have a finished, un chaotic house ever again. Somewhere in here, can't remember when now, we DID have the tile installed. Then we painted, and painted, and painted some more. Don't want to put carpet in BEFORE painting!!
Can I just say, "I HATE TO PAINT!!!!!
Ashley is admitted into the hospital on Nov. 17th when she hits 24 weeks! Yeah!!! We think!!

Thanksgiving weekend (now I remember, we finished painting and got carpet in the Monday before Thanksgiving!) we moved my parents in our house. They have the two other bedrooms upstairs. We also, moved Mark and Ashley out of their apt. into a littler basement apt. by the temple.
Ashley is there for two full weeks, we all think we can do this until Jan. or Feb. at least!! But not so!
December - Our little Miles decided that he was tired of it all and came Dec. 1st at 26 weeks exactly. After a scary emergency C-section due to cord prolapse, he came out not breathing or heart beating. But they got him going.
After two days of suffering and his organs not functioning - especially his kidneys, he passed away on Dec. 3rd.
Taylor's B-day was Dec. 3rd. He will always always remember his 18th birthday.
The next couple of weeks are a blur. But we have a funeral for Miles on the 13th and burial is on the 15th.
Ten days left to think about and get ready for Christmas. Also, Mark and Ashley move in with us for a couple of weeks while she heals from her major C-section (she was cut both ways in order to get Miles out quicker) and she can't go down and up stairs - which they live in a basement apt.
Sam and I move down into the basement so Ash and Mark can have our room. I missed my bed!!
We hop along getting ready as much as we can and trying to be in the Christmas spirit.
Have our annual Whatcott white elephant party on the 20th.
Sam's sister, Paula comes into town for Christmas, 21st. Also his Dad and wife! Get together with the Dahl side at his brother's Christmas Eve. Party for all that week, eat, eat and eat. Get sick from eating so much and so crappy! But are we ever celebrating!!!
Have a great Christmas day!
Monday before New Year's go up to Lakeside with the Browns. Relax and do nothing as much as possible. Throw in shopping and shooting, and for the guys skiing/snowboarding, and we are set!
New Year's Eve, come home from Lakeside, and celebrate like it's 1999. Oh wait, I do mean 2008!! Woohoo!!!
A few more days of vacation. Sleeping in, eating crappy, staying up late. Can it get any better???

January --5th ---2009--- TODAY! Looking forward to a calm, low stress, sit around emailing, facebooking, and blogging all day!!!
SUCCESS!!
(Now if I can get my tight, sore shoulder muscles from sitting at the computer all day to relax!!!)

PS. I can't believe it's 5 o'clock!! Where does the time go??

Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

My "baby boy"! 18 and all growed up!

Christmas Eve with lots of fam!

Yippee!!

matchy matchy!! Or twinsies!

Am I dreaming???? (more like snoozeville to me)

Oh my gosh!!

The "expert" Browns! Don't mess with them!

ahhhhhh, such a cute couple!

The next Charlie's angel???????

Ok, so the last time I posted was way too long ago. With everything going on with Ashley, and the passing of little Miles and even before that - oh my- I'm getting a panic attack just thinking about the past month plus!!
But I did not get to wish my baby boy, Taylor a very HAPPY 18th Birthday on Dec. 3rd. Also, my sister, Deena turned the big 5-0 on that same day. (It also happen to be the day that Miles died, so I was a bit distracted!!).
So that is my first set of missed posts. Also, Shannon O. another late happy b-day to you!! Love you, you know!!
Then after the funeral, and burial, there was only a week and a half left before Christmas. So with a lot of cutting out, and guiltily cancelling several traditions, including Christmas cards, little goodies/gifts delivered to good friends, neighbors and ward members, we proceeded to hurriedly get all our shopping and such done. So down to the last day, we finally finished (or just decided what we had, had to be enough!), we ended up with a wonderful Christmas with a lot of family on the Whatcott as well as the Dahl side!
On to the next event!!! After Christmas and family leaving for home and things kind of settling down, we decided we needed to get away for a couple of days, and accepted a generous offer to go up to Lakeside/Pinetop with Tricia and Rod Brown to their cabin for some much needed R and R for all of us!!
What a great time!!! Relaxing, fun, shopping for the gals(Tricia and me), skiing and snowboarding for the fellows ( Rod, Eric, Sam and Taylor), and cold and snow, shooting guns (me for the first time! Guns scare me!!) and more fun! We just got back tonight in time to ring in the new year!!! It's 10:30 pm and I'm blogging to celebrate it!! (What's wrong with that picture??)

And so, to all, I wish a Happy New Year!!

I have to say, that 2008 was one Bear of a year for the Dahl family. But I will write about that next time!! I even have the title for it. Been thinking about it for a few days. How 2008 has been one of my craziest years to date!!
Anyway, in order to enjoy the rest of 2008, I will make it short and sweet and just say, Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night!!!??!!!????!!
Be good ya' hear!!

In Memory of our Sweet "soldier" Miles

We miss you sweet baby Miles!

I love this tender picture!

Sleep, little Miles, our beautiful Miles.

Me and Ashley, after the funeral. Isn't she
beautiful?

Miles' burial. The little soldier on his casket
is because "Miles" means soldier.

I love this picture of Mark and Ashley
because at the end of the day, they have each
other to hold onto and to go through joy AND pain
together.

Be Still, And know that I am God.

Yes, my heart aches and my emotions are so close to the surface I can't even think about anything too deep without shedding tears.

OUR sweet, tiny little Miles passed away on Wednesday, after 2 days of life on this earth. The nurses and doctors at Banner Desert worked relentlessly to save him and yet it wasn't to be. There were just too many obstacles to overcome for him. And he was just too good and "pure and lovely" for this earth life. He only needed to come and receive his body and then move on to his next mission!

So that is the comfort we hold onto.

He came long enough for everyone who saw him to love him--from his mom and dad, and grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, to the doctors and nurses and medical people who worked on him and watched over him while he was there in the NICU. They were awesome! Beyond awesome, and we can't say enough about how caring and loving they were with Miles as well as with us, the family. Especially when the time came for us to say goodbye to him. I didn't ever expect to see his doctor cry with Mark and Ashley. OR even Ashley's doctor who came up to comfort Ash and Mark. IT really was amazing to see the caring and compassion they all have and had.

In Mark and Ashley's behalf, I just want to tell all of you great friends and family thank you for the many, many prayers and love, and support you have given them and us. Wow! Again, I am amazed! I don't think I've ever been on this side of it before, and it is truly humbling.

So, no I would never, never, ever, ever choose this trial to go through, I must say that it has also been a very neat experience, in the fact that we as a family and extended family have grown closer, and seen the hand of God working, in different ways, even if not in the most wanted way. We have been humbled, we have learned to appreciate more fully, we have learned that we are loved more than we ever thought, and that people are inherently good and kind and concerned for others. We have learned to trust in our Heavenly Father more, and learned to have more faith in our Savior, and his Atonement. And it has become all the more real and personal for us as we contemplate meeting, hugging, talking, playing, and being with Miles again at another time!! We know that Ashley and Mark will be able to raise him one day. The words of the Prophet Joseph Smith have been of great comfort to them about this:

Joseph Horne said: "I heard the Prophet Joseph Smith say that mothers should receive their children just as they laid them down, and that they would have the privilege of doing for them what they could not do here, the Prophet remarked: ‘How would you know them if you did not receive them as you laid them down?’ I also got the idea that children would grow and develop after the resurrection and that the mothers would care for them and train them." (H.C. 4:556-557)
Joseph Smith: "And I also beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven." (H.C. 2:380-381)
Joseph Smith: . . ."The Lord takes many away even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoce as they are delivered from evil and we shall soon have them again." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p 196-197, 1964
edition)

There's more, but these are the main jist of it all.

So there you have it. In our mourning and sorrow, we also rejoice and are happy for our Miles is celestial, and pure and it is up to us to make our way back to him! With that I will share some pictures of our final time with him.

Miles to go!

Miles Dillon Huston- my gorgeous first grandchild came into the world yesterday, December 1, 2008 at 12:05 pm weighing 2 lbs. 8 oz. and 13 3/4 inches long. Ashley (his mom) was 26 weeks along. He has miles and miles to go before he will be healthy and out of the woods, and "Miles" means "soldier" and he is definitely a fighter and a trooper and will need to continue to be to hold on and be ok. So the story of his fight begins, of course, at about 19 weeks, when Ashley started leaking amniotic fluid. It was determined that she had a rupture or tear in her sac. She was on bedrest for the rest of her pregnancy and at 24 weeks was admitted into the hospital, once he was "viable" and they could and would be able to monitor her and they could save him if delivered early.

Well we (I say we, but it was all Ashley, of course!) made it to 26 weeks, and and on that day--yesterday, she got up to use the bathroom and something came out that was more than just urine or other! I happened to walk in right then for my daily visit, and she excitedly yelled that she needed a nurse. The nurse rushed in right after me. After laying her down and checking her she realized it was the umbilical cord that was out and that it was a crisis on her hands. Within a few seconds several other nurses rushed in, I pulled a chair out of the way, and they whisked her bed and all down the hall and over to 'labor and delivery" OR for an emergency C-section.

Miles came out not breathing or with a heartbeat. They resuscitated him, and he's been on all kinds of tubes, wires, meds, fluids, etc since! He is beautiful on the outside, but his insides are struggling. So we live day to day (no, hour to hour actually!). It has been the hardest, craziest, not fun roller coaster ride ever. One hour he's doing ok. The next he's not responding and things are looking bad. The next, he's a hair better. And so on and so on. Needless to say, we are all exhausted.

It's amazing how much you can love a person so fast! Only Ashley and Mark have been allowed to touch him, but I can go in and look at him as his Grandma whenever I want (with the correct badge at least!). I want to hold him or at least hold his tiny tiny hand and touch him but hopefully that will come.

I was sitting in the NICU today, with a lot of thoughts and prayers and questions going on in my mind. I really just wished I knew what the outcome would be, and with all his problems it looks grim and the doctors are a little TOO honest at times (not really, but it seems that way!!), and I just had all this going through my mind. When a thought came into my mind. The thought was, "Be still, and know that I am God." It was as if Heavenly Father was just telling me, "Rhea, be still, chill out a bit. Just watch and see what I can do. And know that I can do anything!"

It was such a comfort to me. Especially, since a few weeks earlier, when Ashley had started with all the problems, and it was kind of a down day too, and the same thought had come then. So, this has become my "motto" and my comfort and my answer to all that is happening right now. I had to go and look it up to see where it is even in the scriptures. I have heard that quoted all my life, and yet never knew where it is. So for those of you who want to know, it is in two places: Psalms 46:10 and also, D & C 101:16. The pictures are pretty self explanatory. Ashley was very excited because as she was holding his hand today he grabbed on to her. At one point she looked up and said, "oh, he's squeezing my finger!". Tender mercies!

Things that make me happy- right now!

Ok, call me a copy cat, Loretta. But I loved your list of things that make you happy!!

So thought I'd do it too. So here goes:

1. The fatigue you feel after a really good workout!

2. Reading new posts on others' blogs - especially ones that make me laugh

3. Ashley making it through another day still pregnant!

4. sleeping in past 6:30 am

5. most music by John Mayer - (I was more than excited to hear his remake of '"Free Falling" acoustic style!! love it!!! check out my playlist)     

6. A good crying romantic movie! (One I just watched yesterday - "The Magic of    Ordinary Days" - it's a hallmark movie, but was very good. Ash and I cried and ahhhhhhhed!!)  

7. our great fall weather!!!

8. getting that weekly email from Tanner

9. Sunday night dinners with all my kiddos!

10. goofing off with my wonderful laurels!

11. the once in a great whiles that Taylor still kind of snuggles up to me - in his own way! ("mom, scratch my back", putting his arm around me. or plopping down on the couch next to me, and letting me poke and scratch, or hug or ??!)

12. Reading! Reading! Reading!!!!

13. Seeing new places

14. The ocean 

15. Talking to my mama - and being able to!

16. Going out to lunch!!! (and dinner too!)

17. babies and little guys! (especially during church!!!)

18. yummy cookies! 

19. Ice cream - caramel praline!

20. When my hubby walks in the door after work!

I could go on but that's a pretty good start!! I should do this everyday! It really makes you think about all the good stuff in your life!!!