Friday, December 5, 2008

Be Still, And know that I am God.

Yes, my heart aches and my emotions are so close to the surface I can't even think about anything too deep without shedding tears.

OUR sweet, tiny little Miles passed away on Wednesday, after 2 days of life on this earth. The nurses and doctors at Banner Desert worked relentlessly to save him and yet it wasn't to be. There were just too many obstacles to overcome for him. And he was just too good and "pure and lovely" for this earth life. He only needed to come and receive his body and then move on to his next mission!

So that is the comfort we hold onto.

He came long enough for everyone who saw him to love him--from his mom and dad, and grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, to the doctors and nurses and medical people who worked on him and watched over him while he was there in the NICU. They were awesome! Beyond awesome, and we can't say enough about how caring and loving they were with Miles as well as with us, the family. Especially when the time came for us to say goodbye to him. I didn't ever expect to see his doctor cry with Mark and Ashley. OR even Ashley's doctor who came up to comfort Ash and Mark. IT really was amazing to see the caring and compassion they all have and had.

In Mark and Ashley's behalf, I just want to tell all of you great friends and family thank you for the many, many prayers and love, and support you have given them and us. Wow! Again, I am amazed! I don't think I've ever been on this side of it before, and it is truly humbling.

So, no I would never, never, ever, ever choose this trial to go through, I must say that it has also been a very neat experience, in the fact that we as a family and extended family have grown closer, and seen the hand of God working, in different ways, even if not in the most wanted way. We have been humbled, we have learned to appreciate more fully, we have learned that we are loved more than we ever thought, and that people are inherently good and kind and concerned for others. We have learned to trust in our Heavenly Father more, and learned to have more faith in our Savior, and his Atonement. And it has become all the more real and personal for us as we contemplate meeting, hugging, talking, playing, and being with Miles again at another time!! We know that Ashley and Mark will be able to raise him one day. The words of the Prophet Joseph Smith have been of great comfort to them about this:

Joseph Horne said: "I heard the Prophet Joseph Smith say that mothers should receive their children just as they laid them down, and that they would have the privilege of doing for them what they could not do here, the Prophet remarked: ‘How would you know them if you did not receive them as you laid them down?’ I also got the idea that children would grow and develop after the resurrection and that the mothers would care for them and train them." (H.C. 4:556-557)
Joseph Smith: "And I also beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven." (H.C. 2:380-381)
Joseph Smith: . . ."The Lord takes many away even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoce as they are delivered from evil and we shall soon have them again." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p 196-197, 1964

There's more, but these are the main jist of it all.

So there you have it. In our mourning and sorrow, we also rejoice and are happy for our Miles is celestial, and pure and it is up to us to make our way back to him! With that I will share some pictures of our final time with him.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Miles to go!

Miles Dillon Huston- my gorgeous first grandchild came into the world yesterday, December 1, 2008 at 12:05 pm weighing 2 lbs. 8 oz. and 13 3/4 inches long. Ashley (his mom) was 26 weeks along. He has miles and miles to go before he will be healthy and out of the woods, and "Miles" means "soldier" and he is definitely a fighter and a trooper and will need to continue to be to hold on and be ok. So the story of his fight begins, of course, at about 19 weeks, when Ashley started leaking amniotic fluid. It was determined that she had a rupture or tear in her sac. She was on bedrest for the rest of her pregnancy and at 24 weeks was admitted into the hospital, once he was "viable" and they could and would be able to monitor her and they could save him if delivered early.

Well we (I say we, but it was all Ashley, of course!) made it to 26 weeks, and and on that day--yesterday, she got up to use the bathroom and something came out that was more than just urine or other! I happened to walk in right then for my daily visit, and she excitedly yelled that she needed a nurse. The nurse rushed in right after me. After laying her down and checking her she realized it was the umbilical cord that was out and that it was a crisis on her hands. Within a few seconds several other nurses rushed in, I pulled a chair out of the way, and they whisked her bed and all down the hall and over to 'labor and delivery" OR for an emergency C-section.

Miles came out not breathing or with a heartbeat. They resuscitated him, and he's been on all kinds of tubes, wires, meds, fluids, etc since! He is beautiful on the outside, but his insides are struggling. So we live day to day (no, hour to hour actually!). It has been the hardest, craziest, not fun roller coaster ride ever. One hour he's doing ok. The next he's not responding and things are looking bad. The next, he's a hair better. And so on and so on. Needless to say, we are all exhausted.

It's amazing how much you can love a person so fast! Only Ashley and Mark have been allowed to touch him, but I can go in and look at him as his Grandma whenever I want (with the correct badge at least!). I want to hold him or at least hold his tiny tiny hand and touch him but hopefully that will come.

I was sitting in the NICU today, with a lot of thoughts and prayers and questions going on in my mind. I really just wished I knew what the outcome would be, and with all his problems it looks grim and the doctors are a little TOO honest at times (not really, but it seems that way!!), and I just had all this going through my mind. When a thought came into my mind. The thought was, "Be still, and know that I am God." It was as if Heavenly Father was just telling me, "Rhea, be still, chill out a bit. Just watch and see what I can do. And know that I can do anything!"

It was such a comfort to me. Especially, since a few weeks earlier, when Ashley had started with all the problems, and it was kind of a down day too, and the same thought had come then. So, this has become my "motto" and my comfort and my answer to all that is happening right now. I had to go and look it up to see where it is even in the scriptures. I have heard that quoted all my life, and yet never knew where it is. So for those of you who want to know, it is in two places: Psalms 46:10 and also, D & C 101:16. The pictures are pretty self explanatory. Ashley was very excited because as she was holding his hand today he grabbed on to her. At one point she looked up and said, "oh, he's squeezing my finger!". Tender mercies!